B E L O V E D

I barely remember life before Max, and what I do remember seems so pale. 366 days ago I was bringing my son into the world, and it seems impossible to me that the two babies above are the same boy!
Apart from the promise of eternal life, Max is by FAR the greatest gift that God has ever given me.  I just had three paragraphs typed out, trying to sum up the wonder and joys of motherhood...but it was seriously falling FLAT.  The deep mysteries of it all can only be understood by walking that path, and I will thank God all of my days for giving me the chance to live this out.
If I ever, for a second, try to imagine my life without my son in it....I lose my breathe, my heart literally beats painfully fast, and tears flood my eyes.  I'm not exaggerating.  Never have I loved someone so much more than my own life.
He brings me more joy every single day than I ever experienced in my life thus far, and I know past all doubt that I am insanely lucky just to KNOW him, let alone be with him all day every day.

I am so thankful for him.  For his adventurous spirit, even though it gives me panic attacks.  Even though I have to accept NOW that he will, undoubtedly, break his arm, his collarbone, his ankle, have stitches, and (God-forbid) a mild concussion.  He is THAT determined to climb and do everything.
I try to record his laugh in the audio track of my memory, hoping to never forget the deep giggle and hiccups his joy invokes.
It pains me to see the rolls in his inner thighs slowly disappear, or the roundness of his face melt away.  I thank God for the multiple chins he still has, and the way he buries his face in the crook of my neck when he's tired or kind of scared.

I love my boy.  It's so special to know that there isn't anybody in the world that loves him as much as I do.  There's something about that, that has drawn me closer to God as I better (but not fully) understand the ocean of love that God has for me.  For all of us.  It's so deep, so wide.  So all-consuming.

Gosh, I've had such a good day today, celebrating Max's life.  We've just been out and about, doing day-to-day things ("Costco run?  Really MOM???" thought Max), but I've looked for every opportunity to tell strangers that he's 1 today.  I couldn't help it :P  My love and pride for him is just oozing out the cracks.  We played a lot, he napped a lot, and he spent much time being rocked in my arms as he dozed off, while my eyes were squeezed shut, whispering prayers of thanks for him.

God, I know absolutely he belongs to you, and that you are entrusting him to me.  I don't lay claim to him, or dare call him "Mine."  He is your's, and you crafted him perfectly.  Oh man, Lord, I can't thank you enough for planting his life inside me, and then bringing him safely into my arms.  May he grow to know who you are by the words I say, and the way I love him, and the way I love others.  May my life reflect the lessons that I try to teach him.
Thank you thank you thank you for my little David [beloved] Maxwell.  He is the light and joy in my life.