humble pie

I need to revoke my last post in a serious way. Max proceeded to wake up all hours of the night, nap horribly the next day, and then have a rough rough drive home. mercy. I've been busy transitioning him from his swing (he's been sleeping in there since he was born) into his crib, since he's actively working on squirming out of his swing any chance he can get. It's tough, because he HAD been sleeping through the night like a champion in the swing. And ever since the crib switcharoo, he's back to waking up to eat 3 times a night. what the heck! I know our pediatrician would be telling me he does NOT need to be eating during the night, but max wants what he wants. I don't know how long it's gonna take him to get back to the "giving mom a full night's sleep" thing, but it feels like it's taking forever.

the little guy is infatuated with the food that we eat. he stares at it, makes little chewing faces, and tries hard to grab for it. Ha, I think he's ready to eat! We've been trying to give him rice cereal without a lot of success. anything he does manage to get down all comes up at the end....so we just sneak it into his bottle before bed (trying in vain to get him to sleep harder!). Anyway, it's really cute to see him try to eat:

he's a rolling fiend now. he's realizing that he is starting to be mobile, and you can tell he enjoys it :) Also, Jon & I both swear that he says momma when he's sad. I know it's crazy, being that he's only four and a half months old, but plain as day...thats what he says! I'm sure he has no idea what he's saying, but it's super cute!

pretty sure teeth are on their way, his gnawing on toys and our fingers has some BITE to it. and yeah...I could go on forever :)

christmas this weekend!

A+ traveler

This little bean slept the whole drive to Portland last night, and then slept until 8:30 this morning, only waking up once in the night! We're all sharing a hotel room, and Jon getting ready this morning didn't even wake him up :) I'm so proud of my little guy for learning to self-soothe so well!

I took him around in the stroller this afternoon...checked out the giant Christmas tree down the street. Took his photo with a trumpet-playing street performing Santa. Watched a kids Christmas choir sing in the mall nearby:


Jon showed me around the Nike campus in Beaverton...it is SO COOL.
Just one more afternoon here, and then we'll head back tomorrow night. It's been a fun little getaway, seeing P-town while Jon works. 8 days til Christmas!

- from my iPhone

Location:Portland,United States

just reflections

Max & I go for walks every day. It's a tricky thing to find something that a four-month old enjoys doing for any period of time. But walks are magical, and entertain him for as long as I'm willing to push him around town! So rain or shine, we're out walking. (Today we walked down to fremont to Dusty Strings, an acoustic instrument store...got the kiddo a $2 maraca that he clutched & shook the whole way home :)

Walking back along the burke-gilman trail this late afternoon, I looked across lake union at all of the houses facing west...

this picture isnt doing the view justice...it looked like all of the houses had fires blazing inside, every window and shiny surface burning bright orange. It spoke volumes about what kind of killer sunset was happening on the opposite horizon, so I spun around to catch sight of what was sure to be an amazing setting sun.

And I was so disappointed to see nothing but a grey sky in the west. What the heck? I looked back at the houses, red hot and aflame. Looking west, nothing! Maybe Queen Anne hill was in the way, I'm not really sure. I just know how disappointed I was, having to settle for looking at fiery houses instead of the sunset itself. It was still beautiful, just not the real thing.

And I don't mean to spiritually analyze everything nowadays... but this one was too big to pass up. I could not help but think that it was a perfect analogy for life. I think of all the wonders in life, the beauty in nature & perfection in human form. The things that we stop and stare at...for me it was always the enormously starry sky at summer camp, where we would lose count of all the shooting stars we'd see. The awe of holding the baby that grew inside me, world wonders...natural and man made....all of these things that dazzle us with beauty.

I was just reminded in a very visible way this afternoon how ALL of those things are only reflections...blurry and second-rate representations of the SOURCE OF IT ALL. We marvel and even worship the things in the earth, that are truly just pointing to the One who created it all. But like the grey sky I saw in the west, we aren't able to see the source that is setting the world ablaze with beauty. Not yet. God chooses to remain hidden, waiting for a time that only He knows...and in our impatience, we turn our eyes back to the things around us and forget about One who is greater.

maybe we can stand in awe of the beauty we live amongst, while always living in anticipation to see the source and origin of all beauty. I challenge you with that.

Some things

There it was. The moment that I laid my eyes on my son for the first time. [ If you could peek into the nursery in the middle of the night, you might see a similar picture. Minus the goop all over max, I might be crying from time to time, begging him to sleep...ha ha ha]

I gotta apologize to any readers (those that miraculously still check this blog!) and all of my facebook friends. My former world stopped its revolution around the sun, and shifted it's orbit around this kid. All of my updates, photos, thoughts on life, future plans...they are kind of ALL about Max. And you can't blame me a whole lot, as there isn't anything that happens to me that doesn't include Max...he's my mini, always on my hip. I love him, love him lovehim!

and I really cannot believe it's been over four months since he came into the world. where did my teeny, squinty, bleating bundle of baby go? I've got this chubby little guy who grabs at everything he can get his fingers around, and loves to be tossed up in the air. I have this conspiracy theory that he sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night and goes to Baby University, where they teach him new sounds and facial expressions, and things like how to roll over unexpectedly. Because I certainly don't teach him these things! I made him promise me that he'd never get big and leave the house, but I have a feeling that he's going to go back on that promise. Little stinker : )

Life is so sweet. I have all these circles of people that I LOVE, and I am so so thankful for this season of friendships. I've got a short list of old friends that date back to early college....a medium long list of friends from the last year or two, a few awesome girls from church that I went thru pregnancy with (all our first babies!), new-forming friendships with a group of ladies from MOPS....and the ages span from young to old. There's a new friendship forming with an older lady from church, that I'm so thankful for. Max & I met her for lunch last week, and it just feels SO wonderful to have meaningful friendships with women of all ages, from all walks of life. It seems so perfectly well-rounded, and I am so grateful for it.

And my relationships with Jon's family, and my own family (despite the distance!) has become so much richer & authentic over the last year...am I yammering on now?

I guess what I'm trying to express is the current state of my heart...THANKFUL! 2011 has been by far the most difficult year of my 28 years on earth. My marriage, character, and faith in God have been put thru the fire, and I have spent many many nights alone, trying to fight back the fear of not knowing what my future looks like. I've spent months asking God to hear my prayers, and just trust that he does hear, even when he stays silent. I've learned raw and painful lessons about repentance, and humility. I've learned just how much inner strength I actually have (it's been remarkable, actually), and I feel like I'm learning for the first time what it means to love selflessly.

I know these lessons will continue throughout my whole life, and I don't mean to say that "I've arrived!" But I can smile as I look back on the past 12 months, and see a new person emerging. I honestly had no business deciding I was ready to be a mom...do any of us, really? But what an amazing process of growing up it forces us thru. It's strange to say that I'm genuinely thankful for the impossibly difficult year Jon and I have gone, and continue to go, through. I did not like who I was before all of it, and I feel like Max now has a fighting chance to have parents who can resolve conflict, and teach him a thing or two about forgiveness and unconditional love.

Thank God for God. That we are not trapped down here on earth in our own muck and mire, left to perish in our own selfishness. I cannot believe that we have hope to learn from mistakes and our past...and that we have the promise of a future without blemish!

Anyway...mommyhood? Difficult, but awesome! Marriagehood? Also very difficult, but redeeming. Which is what a life of walking with God is supposed to look like, I guess. What a great analogy God gave us to understand our relationship to Him.

Hey, if you're confused about anything I'm saying, or anything I said sparked some questions, shoot me an email. I'm digging open communication, and would love the opportunity to share more or encourage you, if you need it :)

Location:Wallingford, Seattle

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I could nibble on those baby thighs all day.



Also, max tried food for the first time tonight. His faces of distaste were awesome, haha. He got a little of it down!


He's sleeping in his crib now and everything! Him & I had a little chat today about how he needs to stop growing so quickly. It makes momma sad, so he said he'd cool it for a while. Haha, I wish.

Christmas cards are in the mail, 2011 is winding down!!




- from my iPhone

My little bear cub.
I love him more than anything. Hopefully an update on life coming soon!


- Posted using my iPhone

putting my feet up

The move is over! Seriously, if this last weekend didnt send me into labor, I'm not convinced this babe will ever come out. WHAT HARD WORK! We really were the best prepared we've ever been to move and clean the whole place in one day, but moving is just plain hard no matter how much planning and preparation you put into it. We rolled into E-claw utterly exhausted, and ready to sleep it off, and then spent Sunday resting our weary selves and settling into our CUTE new diggs in the upstairs of Kristen & Ryan's house.

The upstairs "apartment," "bungalow," whatever you choose to call it is so much more than we could have hoped for in a temporary place to live. Kris and Ry did an amazing job making it so cozy and comfortable...we brought just enough stuff to get us by for five or six weeks, and it is so wonderful to just relax and wait for the baby to arrive!

the only bummer is that poor Jon has to commute up to Seattle and back until the little guy gets here and his paternity leave kicks in. That drive is kind of a drag (one that I have to make tomorrow for my dr's appointment, and then again when I'm actually in labor, haha). But it's not really that inconvenient.

Also, poor Jon's immune system has succumbed to the craziness of the past week, and he's come down with some sort of sore throat/cold combo. Not exactly what you would call perfect timing with a newborn on the horizon. Really really praying this is a shortlived thing, and that maybe baby will stay put until he's feeling 100% again. Yes, I am three days before my due date, and I am voluntarily wishing baby will hold on for just a little bit longer!

I'm feeling pretty darn good for being ready to pop! I keep having these crazy thoughts like, "What if I'm NOT actually 9 months pregnant? What if there was some major mathematical error, and I've got two months left?" I just don't know how I could go from this to baby-deciding-to-arrive...but go ahead and chuckle at me. I know it will switch in an instant when it's time :)

Kristen & I took a stroll around the block a couple days ago, here might be my final preggo shot:

The weather is absolutely perfect, Amy came down to visit me for a few fun hours yesterday with cute baby outfits in tow (thanks, amy!!), Kristen & I are hanging outside with Owen, spending lots of time laughing & being goofy & catching up on the Bachelorette season finale, and I get to knit, read, blog, nap, whatever the heck I feel like doing. Is this what heaven will be like?

owen says he knows where baby is, and nods when we say baby is coming soon. But I'm real curious how much he actually understands what's about to happen : )

tick tock, tick tock....the anticipation is kinda fun for me :) ask me again in a week, will it still be fun then?